What If?

What if?

I think this is the most difficult time during our time together. Our feeling going stronger everyday. By being stronger means the problem that occur is bigger than before. And without we notice it, we've already at the end of the cliff.

My ego keeps 'victim-ize' me. The feeling why you change so fast? What changed you? Is there someone else that makes you swayed? Whether my existence is so worthless for you?  Whether what we have maintained for this long has no meaning for you? You said that love is no longer in question, that you're already committed to yourself, to me. But what are you doing now? You said that what if we are not the best partner? You said we need time to think whether we're really need each other or no. And last you said that we're hopeless, without even try it. There's so much question I wanna ask, so much things I wanna talk to you. But I keep it inside. I know that we/re not on a right state to talk about this, but maybe someday.

It's hurt, Baby, it's hurt. It's hard to hold on, but even harder to let go. I still believe that we have something. That we really something. It's just a matter of time. By time means patience.

It's been a week since our last meeting and conversation about this thing. And I still can't get over it. It still running through my head, swallowing my logic, I'm barely eat, I'm barely sleep, I'm feeling insecure, anxious every time, jealous, you don't know that, Love. You still live your life like usual. This isn't fair for me. Why only me who felt this?

I thought I needed my friends, I need some advice, I need some words to calm me down. But whenever I finished telling them our story, I feel more sad, more worries, and I feel more lonely. I guess I just need you. So bad.

In silence, I try to think from your side. You said that you're really tired with your life there. No friends, no families, and no one there to comfort you. I just realized that you're weaker than me, that you really need me. You need someone to accompany you in this situation.

You have to know, my dear, that long distance relationship is hard. Not everyone given chance to felt it, so we are the chosen one. This is a learning, the situation we are in now will probably repeated one day either with me or with someone else. But if we can overcome this, then we're ready for our next journey. We still don't know the answer yet. Don't be discourage, remove all the negative thoughts. And please don't give up trying.

I guess this is the least I can do, I can do this much for you. I don't want to regret for not trying to keep this.

I hope you still feel the same.

XOXO

Still yours.